Have you found “The One”?

Did you marry your high school sweetheart, the one who saved you from a horrible accident, or maybe the one your parents set you up with? How did you know he or she was “the one”?

Did the president call a World of Emergency because the earth stopped moving the first time you met? Did you see beautiful monarch butterflies fill up the sky the first time you heard his or her name? Did an angel come from above and sing lullabies while you slept? Most likely not.

Most likely none of these happened to any of us when we first fell in love. There is no clear, obvious confirmation that you have met “the one”, however, some of us were truly blessed to have found “that one”.

2 Ways to Tell They Are Not “The One”

Some couples have been dating for many years before they decided to get married. Unfortunately, many of us already know that this person is just not the person we are supposed to be with, but we continue to stay in the relationship and marry them anyway.

Some people stay in the relationship because of the children, because of fear of being single, or because they can’t afford to live on their own. There are so many reasons why people don’t walk away from toxic relationships, but it’s not because they don’t know how bad the relationship is, it’s because they simply choose not to walk away.

So many times the warnings, the red flags, the bad experiences are there, right in front of our faces, but we sometimes choose to just look the other way. “Oh, he will change”, “oh, she was just in a bad mood”, “it was my fault”.

Whatever your reasoning or excuse is, that does not change the fact that something is wrong. If you can feel something is wrong, then it is.

You can excuse every horrible moment if you want, but that does not change the fact that this relationship is not the relationship you were meant to be in.

If you are involved in a physical relationship where you are screaming at each other, fighting with each other, using foul language towards each other, this is also a sure way of knowing this is not the relationship you want to be in.

No matter the situation, no couple should have that much anger between them, that they should treat each other that way. One of them, if not both, have lost the respect (if they ever had it) for the other.

If the respect is non-existent, so is the relationship. How can I scream at you “I hate you” and turn around later that day and say “I love you”? Maybe that has become the norm for you, but that is most definitely not the norm for a loving relationship.

Have you said to yourself, “she’s very selfish”, “she only thinks about herself”? What about, “he just doesn’t understand me”, “it’s frustrating to talk to him”? “I really need to get away from her”, or “he makes me want to do things I shouldn’t do”.

These are all signs that your relationship is spiraling out of control and heading in the wrong direction. DO NOT IGNORE THESE SIGNS!

Your soulmate, life partner, or perfect one, will not intentionally put you in these positions to have these thoughts. Sure you may have disagreements and you feel emotional about them, but you and your spouse should be at a place where you can work things out WITHOUT consistently having those negative thoughts.

If you keep finding yourself in a place of hurt and disappointment, chances are he/she is not “the one”.

How do I know that this is “The One”

So, how do you know that this man or woman is “the one”? Will all the stars in the sky have both your names written throughout the night sky? Probably not. Here’s my love story…

My husband Nigel and I met in high school. After we met, we became really good friends. Our relationship was extremely easygoing and real. However, my husband made it very clear he wanted to be more than friends, so it was his priority to not get near the “friend zone”, as we all know how easy it can be to get trapped in the “friend zone”.

Timing wasn’t right for either of us, as we remained just friends for a few years. We had many classes in high school together and it was known that I was horrible at Math. Yeah, Math sucked. But, all the love gods came out and beamed Nigel with all the love force, because it just so happened he was a genius in Math.

Every time I needed help in Math, who came to my side and rescued me from the evil trenches of numbers, Nigel did. It was the perfect opportunity for him to get to spend more time with me, get to know me and grow with me. I also passed my Math classes because of him. Bonus points for him as my mom loved him for that.

It was like the universe knew we would need each other. Over time, we built that friendship foundation and fell in love with each other and the rest was history or should I say Math, because foundation plus love equals forever.

That was just the beginning for us. We were still young and had many life experiences ahead of us, but we were able to survive through them because what we had to start with was real and strong enough for us to go through together as a team.

My weaknesses are his strengths and my love create the pieces to complete him. Our personalities and energy complement each other, we simply just fit.

That is what a good relationship is– teamwork. It won’t be happy days all the time, but it is easier to get through them with the right person. This is key!

Being with the right person on your team makes a successful relationship. Keeping the wrong person may lead to heartaches and lots of pain.

Trust me, with the right person, those hard days exist less and less because you have learned how to lean on each other, communicate and trust each other to get through it.

The person you are with makes your happiness their priority, nothing else matters. The person you are with kisses you first thing in the morning, and right before you go to sleep at night. The person you are with misses you terribly when you are away. The person you are with wants to support you to achieve your goals.

You know that conversation you have with your spouse about dinner that goes something like this:

You: “Where do you want to go for dinner?”

Spouse: “Hmmm…” (You begin secretly crossing your fingers and hoping they choose someplace you want to go). How about Chinese?”

You: Wonderful! Let’s go!” (Your inside fireworks spark with celebration).

Or when you wake up in the morning and forgot to buy more of your favorite coffee the day before, but as soon as you get to the kitchen, you realized your spouse got up early before they went to work and bought that coffee and left it for you waiting on the kitchen table. Biggest smile your face could ever produce! You think I’m married to the best person in the entire world!

Without even saying where you wanted to go, they picked the exact same place you would have chosen. Or without saying what you needed, they provided.

It’s like they felt your vibes you sent out in the universe; but seriously, many times you and your spouse would have many moments like that where you are on the same page without even saying a word to each other.

You are so in tune with one another as a result of growing and loving each other more and more. When you find yourself loving your spouse more and more each day, you have found “the one”.

Your relationship naturally becomes easier because you both would rather love each other than hate each other. You are both willing to fight for each other, not with each other.

Neither one of you should have to feel like you are in a war zone, or trapped, or this is “our norm”.

Have you ever watched a love movie and felt, there is no happily ever after in real life? Where do you think the producers of the movie got the idea from? Real life experiences.

Many marriages do have happily ever after with “the one”. You may not have been zapped by the love gods like my husband did, but you know you have found “the one” because deep down inside you feel it, and your life shows it.

I’m here to tell you, if most of your days with your loved one isn’t what you dreamed a marriage would be, then you probably aren’t in the marriage of your dreams.

Choose to have a wonderful marriage with a loving partner. If I can have one, the world sure can.

IF YOU HAVE FOUND “THE ONE”, READ: 13 INCREDIBLE TIPS FOR A SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE HERE

Have you found your special someone? If so, please share and let us know how you found them and how did you know that was “the one”? Maybe you haven’t found “the one” yet, share how you knew he or she was not “the one”, we want to hear from you too. Don’t forget to subscribe!