Are You Stuck In A Marriage Because of Financial Reasons?

Kareena Moses

Should you really stay in an unhappy marriage for financial security?

A large number of men and women stay in a bad marriage for a number of reasons. They put up with the bad behaviors of their spouse like prolonged infidelity, alcoholism, use of drugs, violent behavior, selfishness, and more.

Women particularly find it difficult to end their marriage if they are not emotionally and financially strong.

There is an unwillingness to end the marriage because of the sake of the children, fear of loneliness, and of course, money.

It is sad but true that some men are willing to put up with the woman they dislike simply because they want to hold on to their money and do not want to spare any money in a divorce settlement.

5 Danger Signs He Doesn’t Love You Anymore

The lack of money and other financial reasons can impact the choices made by many couples.

Some of the men and women who remain in a bad marriage and refuse to divorce are doing so for financial reasons, as one of them knows that he or she is enjoying a richer life.

After all, divorce costs money, and it gets even more expensive when the couple lives separately. For such a couple, it seems that money matters more than love, and their marriage goes on even if the love has faded.

The age-old wisdom?

Many psychologists still advocate the old wisdom that couples who stay together are much happier and live longer than their counterparts who become single.

Well, there can be a never-ending debate on the topic, and there are circumstances and practical sides that are unique to every couple and their situation.

Let’s examine the vital question again and if couples should stay in a bad marriage for financial reasons.

To be honest, there are no black and white answers here, as there are no definite or obvious scales to measure the happiness that is abstract and subjective in nature.

Ethically, it seems wrong to stick to a bad marriage for financial reasons. Even if the money is there, and there is no peace and happiness, thus money doesn’t seem a good enough reason to stay married.

Benefits of Staying Married for Financial Reasons

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large luxury home with water fountain in courtyard driveway

Despite heavy criticism, there are couples who advocate the various benefits of staying married for financial reasons.

• If the couple has children, they add to the emotional stability of the children, and that is a lot more valuable than counting those dollars and cents. Couples tend to focus on the children’s happiness and without the price tag.

Staying In A Loveless Marriage Because of the Children

• Despite the bad marriage, staying together saves not just those unnecessary financial resources on divorce lawyers and real estate agents, but also keeps one away from all that emotional stress. It seems to be a very practical reason, especially for couples with substantial assets.

• Many women take a pause in their careers for their marriage, family, and children. So, the position of homemaker and the breadwinner can play an important role here as the homemaker will definitely not like the idea of re-entering the workforce and building his finances from scratch.

The idea of living on meager paychecks or working hard for money does not sound attractive to anyone. The women have to make double the effort to survive the competitive world and make money.

Use this to start a plan for financial independence if you are ready to walk away from your marriage.

• Perhaps if you stay together, you can still make your marriage work and get that lost spark back again in your relationship.

Being together can certainly offer you many more opportunities in the future to smoother out the differences and work towards the relationships despite the hiccups.

When you maintain the relationship, you are able to maintain the present lifestyle and do not face any financial restrictions. It can be difficult for one to adjust to the new situation, especially with financial difficulty.

A separation may involve different dynamics that may affect the assets of the couple.

Does Separation Work to Save a Marriage?

Research suggests that it is often the women who fear for their financial security and often stay in an unhappy marriage and avoid a divorce.

This is because they are more stressed about money as compared to men and would be more willing to stay on in an unhealthy or dysfunctional marriage.

Many people may not agree with the above reasons and are likely to find them shallow and superficial. For them, marriage is all about love and companionship, and they are sure to have second thoughts about staying in a bad marriage simply because of financial reasons.

man and woman cuddled face to face wrapped up in each other's arms laying on the floor rug

As mentioned before, each couple, their financial situations, and the reasons are different. While most are fearful of the unknown, others have researched and measured all the pros and cons of divorce or separation.

Couples who have decided that their life is worth more than money are likely to get out of bad marriage, money, or no money.

How do I know when it’s time for a divorce?

They carry a real picture of the life ahead and what it would be like without living with their partner and perhaps less money. They have done the numbers and know how much financial loss would occur because of the divorce.

Those who realize that their marriage is no longer working will find it easier to separate or divorce if they handle things maturely and sensibly.

The one with more wealth often worries about losing a chunk of their money because of an impending divorce, and that makes them think twice.

How much does a divorce cost on average? Learn more now.

The one who is financially dependent also worries about his or her financial conditions and how much money they stand to lose or gain because of the divorce.

Those fears make many couples cling on to their marriages and simply because of the money reasons.

Well, there are crests and troughs in any marriage or relationship. Couples can stay in the marriage if they look for creative and healthy ways other than money and make the relationship work.

The key here is to think positively, for their sake and the children, and they can at least be friends, if not lovers. When the couple is on a friendlier note, the money issues do not seem so large or important and thus are much easier to negotiate.

Are you staying in a loveless marriage for financial reasons?

Did you want to leave your spouse but couldn’t afford to? Are you still stuck in that marriage? If not, what steps did you take to build a new life that wasn’t financially dependent on your spouse?

I am early 50s with a 6-year old and a long-term partnership that has never been very fulfilling to me. Looking back, I think I only ended up with this partner because of low self-esteem and being attracted to him physically and to his confidence and optimism. I always felt we didn’t have enough in common (we have some values in common, but not interests), and can now see his needs for emotional connection have always been much less than mine. (I’ve often felt lonely in the relationship ). I’m not working and, due to various factors, have not been able to achieve a career, and I know I don’t have the energy to work full-time. So, I know financially it would be difficult if we split. I am the one thinking about this. More about the financial side in a minute. Obviously, I know that breaking up would probably have some long-term negative consequences on my child, and certainly would be very upsetting for at least some time. So, financially, my partner is self-employed, but earns very little because he struggles to concentrate. (He was diagnosed ADHD two years ago). We have a freehold house, thanks mostly to my parents. It’s a very modest place, so if we split, this plus our older age and meagre incomes would mean it quite likely neither of us would get a mortgage and so we may have to rent forever. I worry about this, because we have virtually no savings and, although our country provides a pension, it isn’t really enough to live on when you still have rent or mortgage payments. Apart from upsetting my daughter and throwing my partner and myself into precarious situations financially, I also care about my partner enough to feel sorry to cause him stress and sadness. He says he loves me. At the same time, I can only see a lonely future with this person. Even when he retired, I can’t imagine us doing much together or talking much. I know I may never find a partner I could be happier with, but part of me wants the opportunity to see if I could, and I hate the thought of growing old with my current partner and wondering if I could have been happier if I’d been braver. And still a part of my brain tells me I should stay to keep my child and partner happy, but especially my child. I would love any feedback anyone may have. I know at the end of the day that only I can decide, but it’s just really hard to know what to do, hence why I’ve been led here by my Google search. Sorry this is so long!

6 comments found

John Grey says:

August 24, 2021 at 10:26 AM

Be a good mother and wife at the same time? The journey of a woman evolves and changes with time as she moves on to become someone’s wife and later a mother in her life. Well, those new roles in her life can indeed be very challenging

1. Kareena Moses says:
  
  September 8, 2021 at 4:59 PM
  
  Yes, and this is why an authentic connection with her husband is crucial. Thanks for visiting!
  
davejhil Taylor says:

February 22, 2023 at 5:20 AM

I am a realist. Security and living a comfortable life I always dreamt of when I was a child. Migrated to another country for a better life and married a man 20+ older (as old as my papa). Love comes and goes, locked in with a child (dad at 57) feel less worry about having financial issues

1. Kareena Moses says:
  
  May 6, 2023 at 11:01 AM
  
  I hope that your marriage brings you the love that you have searched for, and that you have created a life that you’ve always dreamed of for you and your children. I wish you well. Thanks for sharing.
  
Sarah says:

August 8, 2023 at 9:17 PM

I am early 50s with a 6-year old and a long-term partnership that has never been very fulfilling to me. Looking back, I think I only ended up with this partner because of low self-esteem and being attracted to him physically and to his confidence and optimism. I always felt we didn’t have enough in common (we have some values in common, but not interests), and can now see his needs for emotional connection have always been much less than mine. (I’ve often felt lonely in the relationship ). I’m not working and, due to various factors, have not been able to achieve a career, and I know I don’t have the energy to work full-time. So, I know financially it would be difficult if we split. I am the one thinking about this. More about the financial side in a minute. Obviously, I know that breaking up would probably have some long-term negative consequences on my child, and certainly would be very upsetting for at least some time. So, financially, my partner is self-employed, but earns very little because he struggles to concentrate. (He was diagnosed ADHD two years ago). We have a freehold house, thanks mostly to my parents. It’s a very modest place, so if we split, this plus our older age and meagre incomes would mean it quite likely neither of us would get a mortgage and so we may have to rent forever. I worry about this, because we have virtually no savings and, although our country provides a pension, it isn’t really enough to live on when you still have rent or mortgage payments. Apart from upsetting my daughter and throwing my partner and myself into precarious situations financially, I also care about my partner enough to feel sorry to cause him stress and sadness. He says he loves me. At the same time, I can only see a lonely future with this person. Even when he retired, I can’t imagine us doing much together or talking much. I know I may never find a partner I could be happier with, but part of me wants the opportunity to see if I could, and I hate the thought of growing old with my current partner and wondering if I could have been happier if I’d been braver. And still a part of my brain tells me I should stay to keep my child and partner happy, but especially my child. I would love any feedback anyone may have. I know at the end of the day that only I can decide, but it’s just really hard to know what to do, hence why I’ve been led here by my Google search. Sorry this is so long!

1. Kareena Moses says:
  
  August 9, 2023 at 11:29 AM
  
  Sarah, I’m genuinely sorry to hear about the challenges you’re navigating in your relationship and the weight of the decisions you’re facing. It’s evident that you’re deeply introspective and care immensely about your child, your partner, and your future. That level of sensitivity and consideration is both a strength and a testament to your character.
  
  First, recognize that your feelings and concerns are valid. It’s okay to question the direction of our lives and to wonder if we’re on the right path. Life is a journey filled with various seasons, each bringing its own lessons, challenges, and opportunities for growth.
  
  Despite the complexities of your current situation, remember that life is also full of surprises and second chances. Just as you unexpectedly find yourself in your current circumstance, you might also discover unexpected avenues for happiness, fulfillment, and financial stability. The courage you’re demonstrating by even considering these decisions is commendable.
  
  It sounds like communication is essential at this stage. If you haven’t yet, consider having open, honest conversations with your partner about your feelings and worries. You might be surprised at the insights he might offer or the compromises and solutions you might find together.
  
  Moreover, while it’s admirable that you’re so concerned about the well-being of your child and partner, remember that your happiness and mental well-being are crucial. A happier, more fulfilled you can lead to a better environment for your child and even a healthier relationship with your partner, whether you decide to stay together or not.
  
  Lastly, consider seeking professional guidance, such as therapy or counseling. They might provide a neutral perspective and tools to help navigate your emotions and choices.
  
  Your journey and decisions are uniquely yours, and while feedback can be beneficial, trust yourself and the journey you’re on. Life has a way of unfolding, often in ways we couldn’t have foreseen. Stay hopeful and believe in the possibility of brighter days ahead.
  
  Thanks for sharing Sarah and I wish you well.